Favors are very important things to some people. It can mean anything from getting traffic to their blog by asking you to retweet a post, to asking you to write a post on their blog. Trust me, as a blogger — people are going to ask you for a lot of favors. Especially if you have a lot of friends and fans.
I hate when people ask me to retweet their content, as I think it’s rude. So let me just say this now — if you ask me to retweet your latest blog post, I’m going to say “no.”
See how easy that was? “No” is a two letter word, but it’s so hard for so many of us to come out and say that word to others when they ask us for something. I mean sure, if I like your post I’ll retweet it for you. But if I don’t, then I’m not doing anything except asserting myself and saying “no” to you. Deal with it.
Why you Need “No” in Your Vocabulary
That word actually takes some strength for some of us to just say. Yes, it’s a little word, but it’s a very powerful one nonetheless.
Nothing good ever comes out of a lie, and often times when someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to, but you say “yes” anyways, you are lying to them. Chances are, you won’t get done whatever that person asked you because you lied. You actually don’t want to do it, but there was something inside you that compelled you to say “yes” and not “no.” Any idea what that feeling is?
Fear.
We all have, or have had a fear of saying “no” to people. It could be for a lot of reasons — you don’t want to look lazy, you feel like you owe that person someone, you want to be liked, you will feel bad, etc. etc. Just think back to the last time you lied to someone by saying “yes” and try to remember what was going through your mind. Was it any of those reasons I listed? What was it?
Setting your Priorities: You over Them. Always.
You can’t achieve your blogging goals and dreams if you’re focusing on everybody else’s problems over your own. YOU need to be your top priority. So, if someone asks you to help fix their blog design, and you really don’t want to, the for the sake of your own well being — say “no.”
Just look at is this way if nothing else I have said so far sticks to you:
Saying “no” initially is easier than explaining to a person why you couldn’t carry out the task they asked you and you agreed to. Trust me, I’ve been there. And it makes an awkward conversation.
But really, what’s the worst that will happen when you tell a person “no?” They won’t like you? If they are willing to end their relationship with you because you aren’t comfortable doing something, then forget them. It doesn’t have to be hard to say “no.” Just don’t over think it.
Is “No” Always Right for You?
So far I have told you that if you don’t want to do a favor for somebody, then don’t do it. But, it is always great to help other people out. The satisfaction of helping others and helping someone achieve something will undoubtedly gain you a ton of respect in the long run.
I do like to help people, and please know that if you are having some serious issues finding motivation or inspiration on your blog, do feel free to contact me for help there. I do like saying “yes” when I want to help, and that is the most important thing to remember before agreeing to anything: do you actually want to do what they asked you to?
How to Benefit by Helping Others
If you’re looking for more than just that warm fuzzy feeling of helping someone, then consider the ideas below when you’re at that point in the conversation where they ask for your help.
- Help them now, they could owe you later
If you do choose to help someone now, you could get them to owe you a favor later. If someone asks you to do something big for them, like help them fix their design, and you want to — do it. Hopefully that person will remember it, and later when you need their help, you get it. - Make a trade
When someone asks you to digg their post or stumble it, ask them to digg or stumble your post right back. That way you both are getting something out of it and no one has hard feelings for each other. - Make sure they respect you
Favors are usually done for free. Before you ever agree to something, you need to make sure you want to do it, and you also need to be able to find time to commit. If you have a busy schedule, tell that person they will need to respect your time restrictions and that you will get around to helping them as soon as you can.
Where is your time best spent?
So, after reading this article, are you less afraid to say “no?” I really hope your answer to that question is “yes.” Really, it’s not fun being a pushover or a liar. Know your limits and always put your problems and time in front of other peoples.
Have you ever been afraid to say “no” to someone when they asked you to do something for them? Have you at any point in your blogging career, or even in life say “yes” to something you didn’t want to? How did that turn out? Let me know in the comments, I definitely have my share of stories to tell you.
50 Discussions
This is tough for me. I have a really hard time saying no to people, and usually end up running myself ragged as a result.
Like you say though, there is definitely a place for favors, and kept in balance, they really can be used to your long term advantage. I would say that a high percentage of my clients actually made their first purchase as a direct result of me helping them out with something for no charge. However trivial it may have been, it won their loyalty.
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Yes it’s s hard! Especially when it’s a potential client and when it makes you feel special. (Yea I studied psychology). I wonder how you overcome that Alex?
King Sidharth´s last blog ..Secret Meditation Lives: Confession of an Angry Teen
I like helping people, that’s why I got into the niche I did. I’m definitely not saying to ignore everybody, just the things that may harm how you function.
But loyalty is an important thing, it comes with the same label authority does and any favors you can do are definitely worth whatever they bring you in the longrun.
@King: I have read a lot of freelance articles on saying “no” to possible clients that I really got over that fear. At first though, I was a person who couldn’t say no and at one time was overbooked because I wanted to take on the whole world. Big mistake.
Dude Dude Dude! How true are thy words! That’s exactly an Entrepreneur Heart, isn’t it? I do same mistake. Time and again!
King Sidharth´s last blog ..A How-to on Hardcore Motivation
This is a timely post, Alex! I’m about to do something that I should have said no to, but I agreed to do it awhile ago so I can’t fall back on the promise. On the other hand, I just got an email to exchange links. I have no problem saying no to that! But I do need to say no more often.
Your followers and fans trust that you’ll share good content. So whether or not you share something should be based solely on whether or not you think it’s good. Not because someone asked you to. Good post, Alex!
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Yea man! Same here. LOL I should have a sign saying -accepting new clients (or not) like Alex does.
The best part about saying no is, though it seems rude or maybe refusing an opportunity to be recognized but it’s better you say no then fail them – where you will loose your credibility too.
I’ve done this mistake of being a Yes Man so many times and got all kinds of lessons in hard work and commitment from others. But none of them was working – I can’t thank enough for this post – truly best advice ever – say no!
King Sidharth´s last blog ..A How-to on Hardcore Motivation
It sucks to do it as you’re hating it all the way…but it’s something we get ourselves into and can’t always come up with the courage to get out of the easy way.
Interesting post here, Alex. I love your young and uncorrupted mind.
The truth is, that as a businessman and a blogger, we all need to be willing to say ‘no’. To be honest, there shouldn’t be much of an issue here. If you can’t do it, say no. If you can, then say yes.
I think there is a fine line between being a total jerk and keeping yourself as #1 priority.
For example, this last week I was asked by a neighbor, an older couple, if I would help them load up a truck for their move about 10 hours away.
They are alone, and there is no family around and I like them, so I said yes without even hesitating.
Did I have a ton to do that day? You bet. Was I totally hammered after we were done? Oh yeah! Was it much harder than I thought it would be? Mmmmm, kinda, but not really.
They were so grateful for me helping them, they gave me an envelope that ended up having a $50 gift cert to Applebees, a $50 gift cert to Olive Garden, and $50 dollars cash.
Now, these people aren’t rolling in it. It made me feel bad that they gave me THAT much, as I wasn’t expecting a thing in return. But they were sooooo grateful I was able to help out.
So, in closing, I think the opposite end of saying ‘no’ we’ve got to realize that sometimes there are more important things in life than just a blog post. Yes, we are serving our readers too. But I am a huge believer in Karma.
Be a good person, but also learn to say no.
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How interesting is that! I have a similar story. We gotta help people but not over help. We got to put ourselves first. It’s better to say no then to fail them.
King Sidharth´s last blog ..A How-to on Hardcore Motivation
Although i can see where ur coming from – just thinking about yourself would not be the right way to go about it alex. I mean your spose to have blog which helps people become better bloggers but yet you arn’t prepared to actually help someone unless there is something in it for you. No offence meant what so ever to you but i kinda think all the fame is going to your head.
That’s not at all what I’m saying with this article. I’m saying that you will be doing favors for people, and you won’t.
I’m all about keeping a good well-being and staying as happy as possible. If people are leaching onto you asking you for favors all of the time, it will eventually get on your nerves I’ll bet. One day, you just want to say “no,” but some of us are too afraid of what will happen if we say that. I’m trying to get the point across that if you are being overworked and really shouldn’t be doing all of this work for others when you have important things you need to do, then you beed to say “no.”
And Nick, I help people every day of the week by writing on Blogussion. Haven’t I helped you in one way or another with this article? And it’s more than articles, I respond to emails/tweets/comments answering questions and talking back to people who take the time to talk to me. I do take a little offense to your statement there as I spend hours a week doing all of these things to benefit me later. I’m sorry you see otherwise.
Thanks for the comment.
Fair enough – i must of misinterpreted what u said in the article. And yes a few of your articles have helped me more than you will know. I truly meant for you to take no offence. Thanks for repling aswell.
Great story Chris. Totally goes way beyond saying “no” in the blogging world, but ties into the post very well.
I’m somewhat of a karma believer myself, and I have made some decisions, both in blogging and out of it where I let karma sway me to do it or not. But I guess it just depends on the kind of person you are to do these things. Now, anyone who didn’t believe in karma and was as swamped as you may have just as easily said “no” to that family. But, if it was a person who had a hard time saying no, they’d do it, then maybe after being rewarded like you were – be glad they did it.
Maybe sometimes it just takes a little taste of good karma to really get you working?
So, I guess you want me to share my thoughts here…
You know, add a comment that provides value…
I figure you’d like me to retweet it also, right?
Well, Alex…
NO!
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HAHHAH! That’s more like it!!! A person who truly takes and uses the advice.
Wait! you want me to say more? NO!
King Sidharth´s last blog ..A How-to on Hardcore Motivation
Jordan, just because it’s coming from you – it’s probably one of the most valuable comments in the post.
But I’m glad you took the article seriously, haha.
Oh, and thanks for the retweet bud!
You really write good Alex.. Its good to see all the young-preneurs dominating the blogosphere.. Looking forward to connect mate, good luck!
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Thanks! I’m doing what I can. Really hope to make this place shine this year.
Bloggy Bloggy!
You entered my mail box, didn’t you? How come you are writing about all the mistakes I recently made (lessons I recently learned) right in front of me? Do you have spies after me or is it really that you ‘connect’!
Wow Alex! This was awesome piece of advice which I know I got to follow. Believe me – this was one of the most touching and deepest post ever (well one of those).
Thanks for reminding and teaching.
King Sidharth´s last blog ..Secret Meditation Lives: Confession of an Angry Teen
I write about these mistakes because I make them too. A lot of the posts I write here are as the result of me making that mistake, so I guess we both had this problem at one point in time. Hopefully it’s not an issue anymore.
Not anymore, thanks to you
You are not just another blogger who blogs about blogging – you add value. ‘REAL GOLD VALUE’. Dope!
King Sidharth´s last blog ..A How-to on Hardcore Motivation
Saying “No” takes time, some may be able to do it right away, why for others it may take time
We shouldn’t be afraid to say No when someone asks you to do an extra task when your schedule is already full or you don’t feel like or it doesn’t even worth it..
It’s all about how you feel about the issue. If you can devote time to it, go for it. If not, and if by saying “yes” will harm you in one serious way or another – be hesitant about saying “yes.”
Unless someone is pestering the heck out of me I try to come up with a proposed solution than saying ‘No’. Just as someone asking you to retweet their work may come across rude to you, at the same time (if they asked nicely, no pestering, they’re genuine) saying flat ‘No’ back without anything else could be considered rude too.
Proposing a solution that may help out both parties or just state why you don’t retweet when someone asks so they understand where you’re coming from may not be as quick as saying ‘no’ but it leaves both parties potentially satisfied than getting upset/angered over it. Doesn’t have to be a huge explanation just a simple 1-2 liner. Let them know where you stand so you further educate people in the ways you want to operate.
Have you seriously emailed someone back that needed help with the text just saying ‘No’ ?
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I get people pestering me for things as well, and it was annoying at first. But after a while, I just find it to be funny. I’ll tell them “no” and they’ll just keep coming back at me with a reason why I should redesign their blog for free or give them a free copy of the Blogussion Theme.
I never just tell people “no,” I always give them an honest explanation of why I can’t do it. I’m with you, everyone deserves an explanation.
I like to think I know when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no. Whether I actually do, could be different though.
Saying ‘no’ when you receive a crappy, difficult to read guest post is easy. Saying ‘no’ to a client who has already paid up front and wants a few changes is hard and personally I wouldn’t want to. 90% of my personal clients come from referrals and that could be because I say ‘yes’ too often…but I’m not complaining.
Andrew
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I know, I would go crazy over how I would tell a client “no” to something when they already paid. Of course, I would never lie to them and always recommend we do something that will be more favorable to them, or just ask for more money if it called for it. You REALLY need to be careful how you word things to clients, as one little misunderstanding can really set them off.
I think the point is that we should honest — if we do not want to, just say no. It will make live easier and comfortable.
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Exactly! I don’t have a problem being honest anymore when I can’t help someone. The only problem is, when I say “I am overworked as it is,” some of them don’t believe me!
Alex, I like how you include both sides of the coin. Thanks!
I believe in Mutual Benefits only. When ever I ask for a favor. I give a equivalent benefit to them.
In my recent post I have asked my readers for favor with my Twitter and I will give them back equivalent response.
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Why not benefit both parties? If you can get as much value as you can for helping someone else without harming your relationship, I say go for it.
If you want to be a successful than you should also learn the art of saying NO. Because at one time you never please everyone and if you will go to please everyone than forget about yourself and your goal as well.
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It’s a hard thing to master believe it or not, but it’s definitely something worth mastering.
I had this issue a ways back. One blogger was relentless in asking me to stumble posts. Post quality wasn’t an issue, but the fact that I was usually FIRST meant I also had to take the time to make the initial review.
The one time i said, “can’t man, too busy; maybe later”…was the last time I heard from him…not even an OK thanks, it was now or never apparently.
Pfft to that.
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See, all it takes is one simple little no to totally get a leach off your back! I used to have the same problem, but I like to think I have gotten better at saying no as well.
True enough, but then the hurt can arise if you considered that person a friend/colleague before the crap started.
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I find it hardest to say no to someone is when, like you stated, you want to impress someone or they are in an authoritive position. The typical human psyche wants to try and please everyone and make friends by doing so. However far more damage is done when we say we will do something, and don’t get to it and thus let that person down. This is far more hurtful to mutual relationships than saying no in the first place. Better to be frankly honest than to end up looking like you cannot keep your word.
And that is why it is better to say “no,” because the damage that is caused by agreeing and not delivering is far worse than simply turning the offer down.
Being in the promotional products business we get asked all the time for absurd discounts and freebie samples and have to weed out the true buyers from the give me something for free and have grown accustomed to saying no. I must confess, it was hard to say no when I first started though.
I sell a product too, and I honestly never had a problem telling people I wouldn’t give them discounts. It’s just so much different I suppose, than being asked to do something like retweet a blog post.
I’ve been in direct sales my entire adult life…it’s a LOT different.
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I think it would be harder to say no to retweat a blog post than a promotional product because you are kinda vouching or backing the retweated blog post and your rep is pretty much on the line. So I can see where this would be alot easier to say no to, than perhaps a discount for promotional products or items.
I made it really simple for myself. If I have time, sure. If not, no.
Although I don’t like retweeting either.
Lee, Brit…good stuff
I believe it’s Tweeting though, not tweating.
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I like to help other people as long i can do it
I usually have a hard time saying “no” to people, but there are certinly times when you must do it. Some relationships can actually start from an honest refusal…respect can actually be gained long-term from a “no” answer.
I can sympathize with Steven. I used to have an awful time saying no even if I absolutely did not want to do it. I have gotten a lot better. I still say yes a lot to close friends and family if I know that they would do the same for me if I need help. When it comes to business favors I never do anything for free. I may bump the priority of a good client’s project for a higher fee or in exchange for a favor from them.
Sometimes, it’s hard to say no when someone asks for help. But I only help them as I can. So I think it’s OK to say no
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Very true – some of the best long term and meaningful relationships have begun because a refusal was expressed. Although sometimes hard to do – saying no is a necessary evil.
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